No Fix '26: A Therapist's Guide to Entering the New Year with True Self-Care

Skip the resolutions: gentle strategies for personal growth this New Year

November 2023

Every year, right around now (end of November), I find myself researching bullet journals. I am certain, without a doubt, that this will be the year. By the time January comes, I’ll have filled at least one, maybe even two journals. Calendars, trackers, life-changing monthly cover pages, all in one convenient ($60?? Why does a blank journal cost $60?) place.

Then comes March. I find the journal on a random shelf. Immediate shame. Immediate self-judgment. Immediate negative self-talk.

Last year, I tried something different: I didn’t buy a new notebook; I used an old one. When I found it months later, there was less shame, less judgment, less negative self-talk but it was still there.

This year? I’m not even pretending I’ll bullet journal. I’ll stick with my (is it type-B, or is it ADHD?) chaotic systems because they work for me. They might not be the prettiest, but they help me stay on track and actually meet my goals, rather than resenting my resolution.

In this blog post, I’m sharing a therapist’s perspective on why I don’t like New Year’s resolutions- and how I wish everyone could enter the new year instead.

Perfectionism and Pressure

I just did a quick Google search to find out where this whole “New Year’s resolution” thing came from.(My literal search: “where did the new years resolution thing come from”)

The first result- from history.com (and by the way history.com?? Can you imagine getting that URL? I’m genuinely so happy for them)- explains that the Babylonians, the Romans, and later the early Christians all made promises to their gods at the start of a new year. Things like repaying debts and returning borrowed objects.

(Does anyone know anything about how to borrow objects from G-d? If so, please comment below because I am very curious.)

For the Babylonians, if they kept their promises, they’d be granted favor. If not? Straight to the bad place. No pressure, just eternity to be worried about.

The article is a short read, and it ends by citing research suggesting that 45% of Americans make New Year’s resolutions… but only about 8% achieve their goal.Yikes.

So why do we set ourselves up for failure? How is setting huge, unattainable goals even helpful?In my opinion? It’s not. Resolving to completely overhaul your life (your workout routine, your sleep routine, your reading habits, etc.) doesn’t lead to motivation- it leads to self-resentment. Not sure about you, but I have enough on my plate as it is without adding annual self loathing to the list. 

 Why Resolutions Often Fail 

Often, the new year approaching brings a spike of anxiety- a moment of “wow, life is really moving”. I feel a similar flash (lol nice) of anxiety when I accidentally open my camera on selfie mode.

For many people, a New Year’s resolution isn’t actually something new. It is something old, dressed in a new wrapper and with it comes the pass-the-parcel unwrapping of predictability:

• Layer 1: LFG, ambition to the max, get pumped

• Layer 2: Commitment to an unobtainable or hard-to-reach goal

• Level 3: Shame in the face of reality.

  
  

It’s a classic cycle. Pick any gym in the world and watch the waves: hordes of people sign up, work out a few times, and then vanish without a trace. 

Except… they do take a trace with them- and it’s shaped like shame.

"Studies show that 88% of people who set New Year resolutions fail them within the first two weeks."

Relatable Resolution Patterns:

• All or nothing thinking:

  • “My New Year’s goal is to journal every day”

  • January 5th “Dear Diary, you haven’t heard from me in a while, because on January 3rd I did not write in you and therefore this is actually a goodbye letter.

• Perfectionism in disguise

  • Resolutions that come with extreme scrutiny, rigid rules, and intense self criticism usually have more to do with unhealthy perfectionism than with genuine growth.

• Resolution Resentment:

  • Internal monologues like:

    •  “why cant I just be a type A person” 

    • “Why cant I ever stick to my goals?”

If you’re still reading and thinking “thats not fair, my 2025 resolution lasted until July,” first of all: mazel tov. Genuinely, I love that for you. You are also helping me prove my point.Most resolutions don’t fail because someone is undisciplined or “not a type A person”. They fail because the system itself isn’t sustainable. The resolution is built on pressure, perfectionism, and a romanticized version of your life in which you woke up on January 1st with a brand new personality. 

In real life, you deserve a system that fits into your brain, your life, and your current wonderful personality. Which brings me to my gentler, more doable alternative (down with resolutions, up with sustainable systems- thats what I probably always say.)

Sustainable Systems

For a system to be sustainable, it needs to be a few things. The most important thing is for it to work for you. We can speak about all of the thousands of systems I use to try and manage my life, and find out that not even one of them will work for you. 

Sustainable System Suggestions

• Keep them practical to who you are now, not who you dream of being. (There is no way I am waking up at 5am to go on a run. There is no way I am waking up and going on a run.)

• Make them smaller! The goal is for them to be doable. It doesn’t matter how you are judging yourself, take your goal and make it smaller.

• Incorporate into something you already do. 

• Do not strive for perfection (try not even keeping score, consistency comes from repetition, not scrutiny.) 

• Design for low-energy days- if something only works on your best days, it probably isn’t working for you.

• The best systems do not cost money/take a lot of energy to get set up.

For example, I have been trying to keep my kitchen tidier. My first step was to recognize that things with function don't need to count as clutter. For example, I’m okay with the salt cellar staying on the counter because I use it almost every time I make food. Deciding what I deem “functional enough that I want it always easy accessible” was keeping it real to who I am now. 

My next step was making my small goal smaller, I pivoted from wanting to clean the kitchen before bed every night, to wanting to try and tidy the kitchen at least once a day. In making that shift, I released a lot of the perfectionism (tidy instead of clean, a day instead of every evening, etc). 

To incorporate it into something I already do, I have been working on tidying while I am waiting (for my coffee to brew, my water to boil, my cheese to melt). 

I know “once a day” may seem specific, but for me, it is vague enough that I don’t keep track enough to notice any kind of streak that I might “break” by missing a day, and “tidy” is vague enough that on low energy days I can put one thing away and call it a success. My point is not to make vague goals, my point is that tying ourselves to lofty, easy-to-fail goals does not lead to the long term kind of change we are hoping for. 

Other Alternate Ideas

Self Improvement doesn’t need to be in big leaps and bounds; it can be in quiet moments of stillness too. If my sustainable systems idea doesnt quite feel right for you, consider a micro-habit. Drinking three sips of water before coffee, or brushing your teeth for ten seconds longer than you currently do. 

Or try setting an intention rather than a resolution. Instead of striving for one specific goal, evaluate your values and think of a way your life can be more aligned with them. 

•  instead of saying I’m going to wake up at 5am each day, say I would like my mornings to feel calmer. 

• instead of im going to read x amount of books this year, I want reading to become something I enjoy doing, not something I do as part of a race. 

You can argue that all of these need systems to become reality but guess what? I think everything is better with systems so there you go. 

You are inherently good, you do not need to do anything to be good; it is just a thing you are. New Year’s resolutions can be a trap we fall into and there are other ways of improving our lives without risking the negative feelings that come with potential failure pressure. 

The start of a new year can bring a slew of feelings, and I invite you to work with those feelings, instead of against them. For me, that means entering the new year with messy hair, a slightly-less-messy-than-yesterday kitchen, and the motivation to continue moving through life in ways that feel good for me.

Cheers to the upcoming year: may your systems be sustainable, your goals be gentle, and your salt cellar always within reach.